As I sit here on my living room sofa, procrastinating writing a paper for my English class, I long for this moment in time to be over and done with. Dramatic? Yes. Relatable? I like to think so. You see, there are things in life that are so trivial and fleeting while put in the context of the big picture, yet we do absolutely anything in our power in order to avoid accomplishing it. I'm the type of person that, when I avoid something, I automatically give it more power. Let's take this paper for example. I know that if I set aside a solid 3-5 hours to write the damn thing, I could do it. However, my procrastination has made me view the task of writing 4 pages discussing the novel of Frankenstein as the most dreadful thing that will ultimately lead to my defeat. In reality, is it that deep? Obviously not, but I subconsciously build up this sort of immense suspense towards an inevitable failure, and what's ironic is that this feeling just brews more procrastination. Despite my awareness of all this, here I am, writing this blog post, and you know what? I'm okay with it, because my procrastination in one area became my motivation in another.
The inspiration for this entry really came from a youtube video I was watching (midst procrastination session) which really made me think. The video is of Bruce Springsteen discussing the story and meaning behind his iconic song "Thunder Road" on VH1 Storytellers. He explains that "Thunder Road" is a song about freedom. The imagery of running out to your car and speeding down a winding road with your windows down and the person you want to be with the most. The feeling of only presence and belonging within a moment, chasing after whatever it is that you long for, and the feeling that whatever is desired can be attained. There are times, like now, when I just want this feeling so badly. I am not saying that my life is any harder or more difficult than the next person's. In fact, I can only imagine my life as being easier than most. However, everyone is dealt with their own form of struggle, whether it is manifested in the physical world or emotionally, everyone has their "thing". After all, we are only human. I think that everyone is searching for their own "Thunder Road". That spark in life that never gets old and leaves us wanting more.
Being in college and studying English, there are times when I just want answers and clarity as to what my future holds for me. What job will I have? Will I be able to support myself? Will I be happy? Will following my gut eventually pay off? When Bruce sings the lyric: "We got one last chance to make it real. Trade in these wings on some wheels," he goes on to explain that whatever you are striving for, it cannot only be a fantasy, you need to keep your feet on the ground, in order for it to become a reality, and that really hit me.
Procrastination is just a less threatening disguise that self-doubt poses as. It makes us feel like we cannot take on whatever challenge that lies ahead. There is no formula for success, happiness, or life. The best you can do is try, believe in yourself, and manifest that daydream. Hell, I don't even care if that sounds cliche, because cliches are sometimes true, and I think that is the case here. Bruce was right, in order to achieve, hard work must be put in, and reality will still need to be lived through, but it can eventually transform into a reality that once felt like it was too good to be true. So go on, find your Thunder Road, while I go tackle this paper.
